It went fast. When we first announced it to friends and family, it seemed like we had nothing but time stretching ahead of us, then about two months ago, it flipped in the opposite direction and suddenly time was moving forward so quickly that we didn’t know if we could be ready. The week leading up was a blur of preparation, family, and food. With virtually no back-up plan for rain, we were also stressed over what the weather had in store for us, particularly when it rained on the two days before the wedding.

The wedding day –a beautiful day with just the right amount of sun and cloud – went by with me in a daze as I was ferried from pedicure, to manicure, to hair, to make-up, and finally to hearing the music* that guided me down the makeshift beach aisle. I think I must have said “I do” at some point, but I can’t even remember if “I do” was in the vows we used. I remember looking at the wedding commissioner’s mouth moving and thinking that I should be listening, but I was in a kind of beamy haze, smiling and looking at Scott, and noting “oh, look, so-and-so made it to our wedding” and “wow, the sun sure became hot on my back all of a sudden.” At our rehearsal, the commissioner told us that most people’s voices fade off by the end of the repeat-after-me vows, so I thought about projecting my voice to ensure everybody could hear. In the middle of the vows, a boat cruised by, honked its horn and the people on board interjected a few “woos!” into the ceremony, much to the chagrin of the assembled audience, but it only fleetingly registered in my brain, so focused was I on making sure everything coming out of my mouth was right.

After the ceremony, it was photos, a few bites of food, and troubleshooting too-ripe apricots on the barbecue (we self-catered with a huge amount of help from family and friends). I tried to make sure I spoke to as many people as possible, then we went to speeches and dinner. My maid of honour made me cry with old quotes from this very website, gone but still archived by the waybackmachine. The words were embarrassing and funny but also lovely for their elements of contradiction and truth about the partner I have chosen. Then games that made me rue the day I ever forced family members to play the same silly games at their weddings, and finally relief and dancing on our dance floor of sand.

I was away all day so I didn’t get to direct how everything came together on the wedding day, but I stepped off the dock where we were married and gaped at the transformation that had occurred on our family beach. Growing up, I never had fantasies about my wedding day. Before the planning process started and I was told over and over by bridal marketers of just how inadequate my wedding dreams were, I didn’t know anything about colours, favours, or décor. Luckily, I have family and friends who do. My cousin laughingly told me in the days before the wedding that even though I didn’t know what my wedding colours were, everybody else did. It turns out she was right. All I did was tell people a few of my ideas and I turned around to find they had taken the initiative to turn what I thought might be nice into exactly what I wanted.

Now, one and a half weeks into marriage, it feels the same, but not the same, in the sense that I am now bound to watch this man slowly get old and wrinkly just as he is going to have to watch me do the same and love every minute of it. At the end of the day, however, it was still just the two of us alone together and we were the same people and we were still happy, and we had arrived there without a moment of doubt or hesitation.

*You’re So Cool, by Hans Zimmer, off the True Romance soundtrack

posted by Tina on 8/23/2006 | 10 comments | #